iki and her dreams

A black snoring dog is sleeping on my bed and I don't want to wake her up, a good excuse to stay up and read Nemi. It used to be a lot better though - is it me or the comics that have changed?
The dog is running in her sleep and it makes quite a lot of noise, I'm afraid my landlady will assume there's some more interesting activity going on in my room.

Thursday night I was supposed to go to the pottery painting café with D but unfortunately the quick-but-decent place where we had planned to have dinner was closed that night. So we went to another place nearby but they were also closed! We were running out of time by then and had to chose between a quick burger at Grubbs before painting or proper dinner somewhere else and no painting. I thought the choise was obvious :) D didn't, thought about it and made the wrong decision :) Well I didn't care too much, so we went for dinner and we'll go painting next week. Apart from that, we just kept finding overlapping interests.

Had a long chat with M today (yesterday? it's way past midnight but for me it is still Friday), I panicked over my PhD situation in Sweden and desperately needed someone to talk to. M don't read the rest of this you will just get conceited ;) It meant a lot to have someone to talk to even though noone except me can solve my problems. Chatting with someone who's been through it and understands my dilemmas finally made me calm down and I started the day's workload at five in the afternoon.. so today ended up being a very late day at work.

I have some nice things planned for the weekend, so I will should be back to my usual self by Monday.

The snow has long since melted, buds have started to emerge and I've heard some occassional birds singing, so spring is slowly coming to England. And still my pink room is as cold as ever - I'm glad I have that pink blanket :)

Jens was an incredibly easy visitor, as he had promised. He happily joined for the farewell dinner for M at work, stayed out as long as I wanted and went home when I got tired. We spent Saturday wandering around Brighton in general but especially the North Laine, had lunch at my favourite café there (but I resisted the soy milkshake this time..), and went to the Pier for my first ride at the funfair there. I probably laughed more than anyone else on the whole pier. In general it's been a very relaxing weekend.

The hostel in London was an exhibition in different kinds of moulds but close to a lovely old-fashioned pub and the tube, which was convenient the next morning. So our Sunday included fika, a nice walk in Hyde Park, lunch at a lovely café close to Camden Lock (rice cheesecake.. vegan chocolate mousse cake.. i didn't need dinner after that lunch. the rice cheesecake was amazing btw, wonder how they made it), hours of wandering around Camden and Camden Lock, and some more fika. Lovely day, and I found some really nice laminated Banksy posters.

Back in Brighton I've cooked a lot to have lunches for the upcoming week. I accidentally woke up my landlady the other night when I got home from really late and started cooking my dinner at midnight. I felt really bad the next day when she had left a polite note asking me not to cook after 10 pm. I'm simply too used to living alone, and didn't realise she would notice, I've never woken her up before. Anyway I'll stay out of the kitchen at night now, but that will be tricky since I'm normally not home before 10. Tonights cooking became very lentil-based since I didn't have time to go shopping, so I now have a green lentil and apples pie and a carrot, red lentils and grapefruit soup in the fridge. Yummie. Couldn't eat much though, that chocolate mousse cake was really rich :)

As were the chocolate truffles D and I had at Food for friends Wednesday night. I liked the place. And he thinks that tardigrades are cute (and they are). And he went from Isle of Wight where he lived back then, to London just to attend the big march against the war in Iraq some years ago. And he cares a lot about the environment. And there's so many small things about him I really like. And when I look at him, I get the mixed feeling I have when thinking about M and other people here I care about - I'm happy because I like them, and I'm sad because I know I'm leaving soon.

I started this blog as a means of telling people at home what I'm doing here, so that we could focus our chats on more important things, instead of me telling everyone the same things. But it has slowly become a personal diary rather than a travelling one. I appreciate this way of reflecting about life in general, although I often delete what I realise has become to personal.

The more I do here the less I write. Tonight I'm writing while cooking dinner, and it's 1.30 after a long day at work and I want to finish and go to bed. So I will mainly summarise some impressions from the weekend in Belgium... Eight people from eight different European countries on a trip, officially to celebrate the birthdays of M and AS, but mainly to have a weekend off together. I'm grateful to this funny gang who have literally adopted me, and what I mainly appreciated this weekend was to get to know them all better, and watch how they interact with each other. But it was also great to have a weekend off work.
We left London early Friday morning, using the most environmental-friendly way possible to get to Brussels. That's another reason to like these people, they care about things that are important to me too. Spent one day wandering around Brussels, drinking belgian beer of course and seeing the most important touristy things. And we even managed to find an almost-nonsmoking pub that night, with surprising interior. I'll have to ask M for the photos. A mix of skulls and south american masques, which may not sound as a very appealing combination, but I liked it. The pub was part of a street where you could bring drinks from one place to another, and this particular place was mainly renowned for having 500 different kinds of tequila. I didn't know there were that many.. but why did they have to put cow's milk in the one with belgian chocolate? I would have liked to try that :D Although the lack of tequila probably made my next day nicer.


Some mysteries still remains unsolved, though. Why was there still ice on quite a few canals in Bruges but nowhere in Ghent? Why was there so much more lace in Bruges compared to Ghent although they're only one hour away from each other? Why were three people taking a bath in a bath tube on a random street in Ghent? And what happened to the pirates in the incredible and long story we came up with on boring hours on the train? I hope a certain unemployed Dutch fellow writes down the story, it's long enough to be a book and at least creating it has been quite entertaining.

And why does one of the cats here in Brighton like tofu? It's a very random thing for a cat to like. I made a curry wok with apples and tofu for dinner and Kitkat kept stealing the tofu. He's normally very polite although curious about my food, but he's taken tofu from my plate on several occasions and last time I ate soya mince he licked the plate when I had finished eating. He seems to have the same tofu taste as I have; he clearly prefers Taifun's basil tofu compared to the marinated tofu from Clearspot.

Monetary contributions are needed to save lives in Haiti after the earthquake. Several Swedish organisations are asking for money, including Rädda Barnen and the Swedish Unicef. I don't know yet if the Doctors Without Borders are going there. Most other organisations seems to be religious in one way or the other...
updates on the situations can be found on e.g. http://topics.cnn.com/topics/haiti

I've been in a weird mood the last days, feeling mentally disattached from everything I'm doing. Especially Monday night I had the odd feeling of only watching what was going on around me, rather than participating, which isn't appropriate for karaoke. I didn't feel it Sunday when I walked in Stanmer Park with M, so maybe the phone call that night triggered it, or maybe the total lack of sleep that weekend.
Stanmer Park in snow was lovely, and it was nice to spend some more time with M. It snowed again this morning. I simply love it.

M has to forgive me for using one of his photos, but it's simply so pretty! Brighton really looks like on a postcard. The sunset was nice but not as pink as the settings on M's camera indicates..

The feeling of not being present where I am started to wear off today, I had a busy and productive day at work but still had time to sneak out during an incubation to build a snow figure with E. It was about my height and E isn't that tall either, but we got the head in place and put a big smile on it's face. Met up with D later and had dinner. I really like my colleagues but it was nice to talk to someone not related to work.. We met Saturday at AS's birthday dinner at the vegetarian pub - that was a great night! AS is a very vivid person so when the club where we'd been dancing closed we went to the shore and tried to lit a lantern, to watch it being carried out over the sea. Lucky for those concerned about the environment it was too wet, or too windy, or both, and it just didn't lit. And since we didn't want to wait in the line for the only club still open at that time we walked over to AS's place and watched a movie and drank wine. It was one of those weird nights that you can never plan, and not everyone would have liked it, but I thought it was very cosy when we all fell asleep in a heap on the couch.

This group of colleagues I'm spending so much time with are a funny bunch of people. They all have strong personalities and are quite different, but still end up being good friends. They quickly adopted me when I arrived as an orphan in the centre. I'm looking forward to the trip to Brussels this weekend.

Seems like my sadness have changed into frustration, which is much better, easier to canalise that energy into something useful. I was a bit annoyed yesterday night when the buses still weren't running, but after walking all the way up the hills to where I live, I felt a lot better, so I probably just need to go swimming again. It's almost embarrassing that my mood is hugely affected by such small things.

I almost got stuck at uni again last Wednesday when all buses and trains suddenly were cancelled in case it would start snowing again. Luckily I could get a taxi back to Brighton for a nice chat with M and E. Thursday night the buses weren't running either, and every second train got cancelled. So to be on time at uni Friday morning for the early coach to the meeting in Cambridge, I stayed over at Y's place. That saved me a two hour walk from my place to uni early in the morning, but honestly I wasn't very grateful. It's interesting that I allow myself to get so much more annoyed with Y than with anyone else around me. Can't he just respect that I want to be left a bit alone now, and stop talking all the time? I've said for two days that I'm not interested in discussing what's been bothering me lately, and he keeps asking, until I doubt that it is for the nice gesture of listening, but rather because he is curious and wants to hear. And it makes me feel really bad that I don't fully appreciate that he offers me to stay over, and gives me warm home-made bread in the morning. It was very kind of him, it really was, and I should try to focus on that rather than notice his... needyness.

The meeting was nice, good talks, great to see Lara that I haven't seen since the Canada meeting although I had very little time to speak to her, and nice to see some of the Oxford people too. I sneaked out during the lunch break to catch up with Mark in a nearby pub, it was relieving to see him less worried than last time we met. He had spent a nice christmas and new year's with his wife and kids and was quite relaxed, which is great.

The bus trip back might well have been the best part of the day. We had a very girly chat in the back of the bus and I'm quite sure the group leader sitting in front of us were doing her best to overhear part of the conversation. The dinner conversation was fairly girly too, let's see what we'll discuss tonight.

I had some silly vision of getting up early today and go for a walk but of course that didn't happen, got up late and had the laundry, spoke to my sweet grandmother in Sweden for quite a while, and now it's past 4 o'clock. Can't decide whether I should go out now or just stay inside until it's time to go to the vegetarian pub and celebrate AS's birthday. I still need to go to the vegetarian shoes store and buy a belt for A in Sweden, but it's not at all tempting to go out, slide down the hills on these dangerous icy pavements, then struggle up the hills again, knowing that I'll immediately have to go downhill to meet the rest tonight. Being in my lazy Brighton mode, I'll probably stay inside and at the most clean my desk today. It's been great to have a day without any must do's.

It has been snowing lightly for the last couple of hours, another reason to stay indoors today :) It gets dark so quickly here, not the long period of dusk Sweden has. I remember noticing the same thing in Australia, where C and I almost got lost one of our first days in Sydney after staying for too long watching the flying foxes and then hurried back on the darkened streets. Good memories.
My feet are cold, despite three pairs of socks. I think I'll just sit here and drink chocolate milk with a warm furry cat in my lap until it's time to go. It's about time to pull myself together.

It's snowing again, and I'm probably the only one in Brighton appreciating it :) I left uni earlier than normal to get home before the snowing would start, but didn't quite make it. I got to walk the last 20 minutes in snow and it's so beautiful! Since I was alone, I danced on the street in the snow. I must have looked crazy. Uni might be closed tomorrow, I have some small things that have to be taken care of but if the buses aren't running I don't really know how to get there. I'm not particularly impressed by the British handling of snow - a couple of centimeters is not 'severe weather conditions' and no excuse to cancel all buses - but then again, considering that they normally never get more than one occasional day of snow during the whole winter, I'm not surprised. They're much more prepared for floodings than Sweden, since that's more common here. However, being a visitor from North, I do find it funny to see how handicapped the society is after the tiniest bit of snow.

It was good to see Marcel yesterday, not only to ensure that the nasty cut in his forehead after the icy accident before christmas, is healing properly. The heating in the pub where we met was broken, so the girl working that night had started a fire in the fireplace. Smoky, but I like the smell of burning wood.

I loved all the snow in Stockholm during my Xmas break, and I'm so glad all the kids got a white Xmas. It was only -10 when I was there but my beloved sister says it's almost -20 today - 40 degrees colder than their family vacation last week. Must be quite a shock.





I've been cooking quite a lot again this past week, normally a sign of me being less worried and stressed. Today's dinner is soy mince fried with apple juice and green bell peppers, plus the usual carrots and tomatoes.

I'll start off with a tribute to the best bed and breakfast in all of Sussex, Stephi and Niki. First they invite you over for a New Year's Eve Party. When you arrive, they serve you dinner, and they've even bought two types of soy cheese since they didn't know which would go best with the roasted veggies. Then they make sure that you enjoy the party. And when the party is over and it's late, they assure you that you're more than welcome to stay over, make the bed for you - and give you a toothbrush and a case for your contact lenses. I was so touched :)

I also appreciated to watch Stephi and Niki, since they seem to have such a nice relationship. It looked healthy. And they looked happy, which is wonderful to see.

The next morning, I woke up from the sound of them preparing breakfast for me. Amazing people. Then I went for a walk with Stephi, which enabled me to see the Lancing Ring - not as well known as the Chanctonbury and Cissbury Rings a couple of miles from there, which I now really wan't to visit. According to the Friends of Lancing Ring, the track alongside Lancing Ring may be as old as 4000 - 6000 years, and wikipedia somewhat supports this. Those who have an obscure interest in mushrooms, lichens and snails found at Lancing Ring should check out the homepage of the Friends of Lancing Ring (http://www.glaucus.org.uk/LancRin2004.htm), where they report such findings around the area. It's actually quite cute.


Lancing Ring Dewpond, last picture before the camera gave up in the cold weather

When we got back to the house, I realised I had spent 22 hours with Niki and Stephi - and they offered me to stay for tea. If I had, I'm sure they would have made dinner for me. But I went home and changed the necklace a little. The black heart broke on the night of the 30th, so I bought another one and finished it at work before going to Lancing, but it was a bit too long and had to be changed.And this is hopefully the last time I have to work with the black headpins from Panduro. They're so much harder than the silvery headpins from the beads shop in Västermalmsgallerian, horrible to work with. That's why the first heart broke. And they're only black on the outside of the pin, so if you cut it or bend it, the coppery inside shows. Maybe it would have been easier to paint normal silvery pins with black nail polish.

Should I change the lower blue heart for something smaller? Any suggestions?

At New Year's we discussed resolutions for the new year, of course. I normally don't bother to come up with resolutions, I prefer to work in projects that are not limited by year. But I think my main plan for the next couple of months, at least a year, should be not to have resolutions. Not to put too much pressure on myself. Not allow people to hurt me, but be more clear on what is important to me. I don't regret anything from the past year, but if there's one thing I won't repeat, that would be cancelling my vacation to work. The damn paper still isn't published and realistically it won't be before next summer.

This has to be it for today. It's one o'clock and I have to be on time at work tomorrow. I haven't left bed before 11 any day during the past week, so that will be a challenge :) Thought swimming today would make me tired, but no. Helped clearing my thoughts, though. I tend to think and to worry too much, so swimming is good.