iki and her dreams

Seems like my sadness have changed into frustration, which is much better, easier to canalise that energy into something useful. I was a bit annoyed yesterday night when the buses still weren't running, but after walking all the way up the hills to where I live, I felt a lot better, so I probably just need to go swimming again. It's almost embarrassing that my mood is hugely affected by such small things.

I almost got stuck at uni again last Wednesday when all buses and trains suddenly were cancelled in case it would start snowing again. Luckily I could get a taxi back to Brighton for a nice chat with M and E. Thursday night the buses weren't running either, and every second train got cancelled. So to be on time at uni Friday morning for the early coach to the meeting in Cambridge, I stayed over at Y's place. That saved me a two hour walk from my place to uni early in the morning, but honestly I wasn't very grateful. It's interesting that I allow myself to get so much more annoyed with Y than with anyone else around me. Can't he just respect that I want to be left a bit alone now, and stop talking all the time? I've said for two days that I'm not interested in discussing what's been bothering me lately, and he keeps asking, until I doubt that it is for the nice gesture of listening, but rather because he is curious and wants to hear. And it makes me feel really bad that I don't fully appreciate that he offers me to stay over, and gives me warm home-made bread in the morning. It was very kind of him, it really was, and I should try to focus on that rather than notice his... needyness.

The meeting was nice, good talks, great to see Lara that I haven't seen since the Canada meeting although I had very little time to speak to her, and nice to see some of the Oxford people too. I sneaked out during the lunch break to catch up with Mark in a nearby pub, it was relieving to see him less worried than last time we met. He had spent a nice christmas and new year's with his wife and kids and was quite relaxed, which is great.

The bus trip back might well have been the best part of the day. We had a very girly chat in the back of the bus and I'm quite sure the group leader sitting in front of us were doing her best to overhear part of the conversation. The dinner conversation was fairly girly too, let's see what we'll discuss tonight.

I had some silly vision of getting up early today and go for a walk but of course that didn't happen, got up late and had the laundry, spoke to my sweet grandmother in Sweden for quite a while, and now it's past 4 o'clock. Can't decide whether I should go out now or just stay inside until it's time to go to the vegetarian pub and celebrate AS's birthday. I still need to go to the vegetarian shoes store and buy a belt for A in Sweden, but it's not at all tempting to go out, slide down the hills on these dangerous icy pavements, then struggle up the hills again, knowing that I'll immediately have to go downhill to meet the rest tonight. Being in my lazy Brighton mode, I'll probably stay inside and at the most clean my desk today. It's been great to have a day without any must do's.

It has been snowing lightly for the last couple of hours, another reason to stay indoors today :) It gets dark so quickly here, not the long period of dusk Sweden has. I remember noticing the same thing in Australia, where C and I almost got lost one of our first days in Sydney after staying for too long watching the flying foxes and then hurried back on the darkened streets. Good memories.
My feet are cold, despite three pairs of socks. I think I'll just sit here and drink chocolate milk with a warm furry cat in my lap until it's time to go. It's about time to pull myself together.