iki and her dreams

It is a bit depressing to realise that I have language skills similar to an average eight year old British child. And at the same time, back in Sweden I noticed that I'm missing words and phrases. So I've lost Swedish without learning English.. I should just give up the idea of recapturing my old French. Better to be fairly incompetent in two languages than totally incompetent in three.

It's just one day left of this year, so I guess I should summarize things, but I won't. I see no point in that right now. But I may upload some nice pictures tonight or tomorrow. Or next year :)

I have very little energy for work these days, nor for anything else. It takes ages to get out of bed, and then it's another effort to leave the shower. Why is any small change so hard to achieve? I went to the beads shop today to find black beads for the necklace I'm making for tomorrow night, but didn't quite find what I was looking for. I'll probably take tomorrow off to finish it. Which means that I should move the restriction enzyme reaction to the fridge, and leave it there over the weekend. Or will it overdigest? Maybe I'll have to come in tomorrow anyway. I'd probably better do. Oh, those hard decisions, the problems in a developed country. My mood is improving though, still crying but feeling less sorry for myself.

I spent yesterday night at the Hobgoblin pub reading about Brussels, Bruges and Ghent, the cities we'll visit in two weeks. That weekend will sure be busy! I really liked Ghent, out of environmental concern they have chosen to make Thursdays a vegetarian day, where schools and public canteens for civil servants serve vegetarian food and veggie restaurant street maps are distributed. They call this day Veggiedag :) Isn't that just lovely? Maybe there is hope for this planet, after all. And according to Happy Cow, there is a vegan café with an ecology information centre, that serves milkshakes and pancakes on Sundays.. Oh, and the city is full of Gothic architecture. I just have to go there, even if the rest are lazy and want to stay in bed that afternoon.

I hope to have milkshakes in Stockholm when I get back. It's been planned for a couple of months now, although we never seem to prioritise it.

Well, off to the swimming complex now to clear my mind a bit.

Back home again in the pink room and life isn't quite as good as I would wish. Seeing everyone during my short visit in Stockholm made me realise just how much I miss my friends. Repeated, sad arguments and being scolded by loved ones didn't help. And back in Brighton, everyone I know here is visiting their families so noone is around. But I guess it is quite good that they're not around, then I would drown my sorrows at any random pub and although that would easen the pain it wouldn't solve the actual problem.

My original plan was to go directly to work but when I arrived at Heathrow after less than two hours of sleep I just couldn't make myself go there. So I went to Camden Lock and wandered around, getting inspiration for all the ear rings I'll make now that I plan to work normal hours again and get loads of free time. I have some interesting ideas, if they ever turn into actual jewellry I'll upload pictures :)

Two furry cats clearly showed that I'm welcome back in Brighton, that was lovely.

Om en kvart ska jag ge mig av på min långa färd mot det kalla landet i norr :) Jag ser fram emot att träffa så många som möjligt i sann julstressanda.

Igår hade jag en ledig dag och gjorde en lasagne o frös in så jag har nåt att äta när jag kommer tillbaks igen. Sen gjorde jag klart tårtan och åkte på julmiddag hos Katie. Efter min tredje brittiska julmiddag på en vecka börjar jag vänja mig vid den lustiga traditionen att ha en papperskrona på huvudet.

Mycket av snön har smält men det går fortfarande inte många bussar, och det är omöjligt att få tag på en taxi. Även om de inte är vana vid snö så var det lång förvarning på det här lilla snöovädret, och om inte annat borde de röja vägarna av ekonomiska skäl - jag tillbringade fredag natt i väntrummet på akuten efter att M halkat och slagit upp ett otäckt sår i huvudet, och alla jag pratade med där hade ramlat på isen. Det var många brutna armar. Jag somnade så småningom mot Ms axel, utmattad efter natten innan när jag snöade in på uni och sov i en stol framför en värmefläkt (efter att ha hittat en okänd människa sovande i seminarierummet där jag tänkte lägga mig, en postdoc som precis kommit tillbaks efter att ha varit i ett annat labb. det var minst sagt oväntat att hitta en främmande snubbe sovande i seminarierummet halv sex på morgonen). Jag tänkte sova på planet hem så jag orkar träffa så många som möjligt i Sverige :)

Tror att allt är packat, julmat och några julklappar, men syster är snäll och tar hand om det mesta av julshoppingen. Som så många gånger förr backar hon upp mig när jag inte hinner med allt. Hittar inte mina linser, så jag packade antagligen dem igår i nån slags överambitiös nit. Jag ser fram emot julen. Som vem som helst hade kunnat berätta för mig insåg jag igår att anledningen till att jag mått dåligt de senaste veckorna är att jag halkat tillbaks in i mitt gamla jobbmönster, utan någon ledig tid. Och jag har sagt det förut, men jag ska göra ett nytt försök att drastiskt ändra min livsstil. Vet inte hur dock, psykolog- och beteendevetarsamtalen under våren och sommaren hjälpte inte mycket, så hur gör jag för att ändra mina tankemönster från grunden? Om nån annan är fast i duktig-flicka-fällan och vill ta sig därifrån så hör av er, vore intressant att sätta upp nån slags liten samtalsgrupp och diskutera vad vi kan göra.

Ha en bra jul allihop, vi ses snart!

Jag tycker väldigt mycket om mitt nya hemland men de är inte speciellt bra på att hantera riktigt vinterväder. Det började snöa på eftermiddagen och jag smet ut och fångade snöflingor på tungan, jag har verkligen saknat snön. Det är så otroligt vackert. Vissa av mina kollegor delade inte min förtjusning men jag är lycklig. Jag tycker om när det blir så tyst som det bara blir när det har snöat.

Lite mindre förtjusande är dock att det här landet inte har uppfunnit vinterdäck och snöröjning. Jag är precis klar med en ovanligt tung 18timmarsdag och funderar på hur jag ska övernatta, för alla bussar är inställda. Jag är fast på uni och de har inte ens övernattningsrum - idag är första gången jag på allvar uppskattar fördelarna med heltäckningsmatta, för det är nog på en sån jag kommer somna om en stund.

I måndags åkte jag till Oxford för att hälsa på gruppen där, men jag hade ett långt och bra möte på morgonen om mitt projekt så jag kom iväg lite sent härifrån och sista tåget var sent, så jag hade bråttom från stationen. Så för att spara tid tänkte jag att jag skulle fråga om vägen istället för att irra runt. I nåt slags konstigt försök att hantera min ovilja mot uniformer frågade jag en polis hur jag skulle gå för att hitta till busshållplatsen, och han var på sitt mest hjälpsamma humör. Så jag fick översätta hela Es sms om hur jag skulle gå, och det visade sig att farbror blå skulle åt samma håll så han tyckte vi kunde göra sällskap. Det var en konstig känsla att promenera med en uniformsmänniska men han var lättpratad - fast han ledde mig till fel busshållplats. Så småningom hittade jag resten som satt och målade muggar tillsammans, det var en bra grej att göra tillsammans. Det var kul att träffa dem och få lite ansikten på folk jag bara har mailat med! Och dagen efter passade jag på att titta runt i Oxford, kollade in ett college där delar av harry potterfilmerna spelats in, och strosade runt. Drack den största varma choklad jag någonsing druckit till lunch, när kommer Starbucks till Sverige?

Någon gång i framtiden ska jag sluta jobba när jag gjort mina 40 timmar... särskilt som jag bara får betalt för 32. Men hur hittar jag den balansen? Hur får jag inte dåligt samvete för allt jag inte gör? Jag ska väl vara mindre lojal, jag behöver ett jobb som betyder mindre för mig. Vilket ilandsproblem.

En bra nyhet är att british airways verkar ha dragit in sin planerade strejk, så jag kommer komma hem till Sverige till jul. Tjoho! Men jag hade lite, lite hoppats på att inte kunna åka tillbaks och bli tvungen att ha lite mer semester än jag gav mig själv när jag bokade hemresan tillbaks till England :)

Vit snö på svarta grenar, det är så vackert... Spara snö åt mig till jul! Jag vill åka pulka och dricka varm choklad... Baka pepparkakshus och lukta på julgranen... och träffa alla fina människor jag saknar! <3

The past week has been busy and so will this one be. I brought juggling balls in case life here would be boring, but I've only used them once.

However, although I've mainly been busy at work, last week included lots of nice things outside work as well. I happen to work together with so many nice people :) Phil is a lot into film and has been our local organiser for whatever people wanted to see at the film festival, so Monday last week we went to watch Until The Light Takes Us, a documentary on Norwegian black metal. It was interesting - not particularly good I have to say, but worth watching. I couldn't really figure out what the aim of the documentary was or what crowd they were aiming at, maybe that's why I didn't quite like it. But I still enjoyed the interview with Immortal, always (pretending to) take themselves very seriously.

I still had two movies left since Alex and I rented some Sunday night, but I didn't get around to watch them until Friday night, and it almost didn't happen. We went out for another beer after beer hour at work, and ended up at a pub playing 80s music so we danced for hours, I had so much fun! (och jag måste sluta skicka fyllesms, varför lär jag mig aldrig?) We met some funny characters that night, including an aggressive French woman who forced-kissed everyone and her less drunk, less aggressive girlfriend, and a George Clooney-lookalike - at least he thought so himself... When we finally were to tired to dance any more we went for burgers at Grubby's. I went there for the first time earlier this week with Marcel and it will probably become a favourite, the burgers are not quite as good as at Red Veg but this place is open really late and on my way home from town. Mm, fyllemat :)
Ted, one of my few friends who isn't a colleague, joined me home to watch one of the movies. We decided on The Piano Teacher which we knew would be depressing and likely boring, and maybe not the appropriate choice for a late Friday night, but I really wanted to see it. And since Ted fell asleep within five minutes, his opinion didn't really matter anyway :) He slept like a child throughout the movie, which was fairly depressing, however I didn't think it was a waste of time to see it. But in summary, it was about people who hurt other people, or themselves - far from a feelgood movie. It was absolutely impossible to wake Ted up so he slept with his clothes and glasses on until the next morning, when he woke up and remembered he had to catch a flight to Manchester to go to a pyjama party there. So we parted, and I went to have a haircut. Wee! I needed a change and I was bored of my long hair. Now it is properly short in the neck again, and slightly assymetrical in the front.
I've just got home from Stephi's Sinterklaas Party Saturday night. Marcel and AnnSofie dressed up as St Nikolaus and Zwarte Pete, read the kid's names and whether they've been good or not, in a thick book that closely resembled a Dutch dictionary.. but the kids had been nice and got candy and roasted peanuts, the traditional treat.

I should definitively try to take some time off to compensate for all my late nights at work. This weekend I'm going to Weston-super-Mare to visit friends of my Mum's, and Monday I'll go to Oxford to visit the group there. I'm looking forward to both trips! But although it first seemed like a good idea to have some time off work, it is now mainly a mysterium how to organise this logistically. I have to prepare and bring food for our Christmas party on Friday, and my train to Weston is at 5 in the morning on Saturday so I won't have time to go home to pick up the food I'll need to bring there, but I will have to bring that with me to work and for the party afterwards. And then I'll get home late Sunday night, and Monday morning I'm presenting at our group meeting and then I'll leave for Oxford, but I need to bring food there as well for their Christmas party so I'll probably need to prepare that on Thursday. Since we have a horribly long lab planned for tomorrow (16 hours! but simone will start it, and I'll come in later and take the second part, i'm sooooo glad he likes to work mornings). I went shopping today to find everything I need, I've decided to make a cheesecake for our Christmas party but I can't find half of the ingredients I need, and after buying loads of stuff for the weekend in two different I went home and realised that I'd forgotten to buy soy cream. I'm not sure where to find that. There's quite a few things that you can find in more or less any larger supermarket in Stockholm that is completely impossible to find here. But then again, I guess they think they compensate by selling alcohol in all supermarkets...

I've been so glad to read and hear updates from Sweden on the pig campaign. And it was a shame not being able to help out with and attend the Christmas Veggie Fayre in Stockholm last Saturday. But on Sunday Marcel and I went to the Christmas Without Cruelty Fayre in London, that was great! Loads of food stalls, information tables, and interesting lectures. And it was great to see the Sea Shepherd people, although I missed one person there. I hope to be able to meet up with her soon. Marcel and I ate a lot of cakes :) the best one was a chocolate fudge cake... mm. (och han är miljövegetarian och på många sätt mer aktivist än jag, men bara genom att fråga om han skulle med har jag fått nån slags aktiviststämpel på mig på jobbet) And we had a really nice walk afterwards, and went exploring a beautiful gothic-like church.

Cupcake! :)

It is indeed a long time since I last wrote anything here. Life has been hectic and I'm falling back into my previous unhealthy stressed behaviour. I'll try to change that again these last two weeks before Christmas.

I'll write about the previous weekend first, since I've decided to describe the three London + Brighton trips I was planning three consecutive weekends separately. Then I can write about the previous week and this weekend soon. However, the planned London + Brighton weekend with Alex ended up being only a Brighton weekend. And it involved a lot of food :) But also meeting up with several of my new colleagues. We managed to go to the Red Veg anarchist burger place, my favourite rock pub, another pub with interesting art on the walls for goodbye drinks for Sarah moving back to Italy, a small food stall in North Laine that I don't remember the name of, a vegetarian pub called the George that I had not visited before, Wai Kika Moo Kau (of course! soy shakes, I love them!), and a nice Sea Shepherd dinner at a friend/colleague's place. I am indeed lucky to have so many nice and friendly colleagues! The Sea Shepherd dinner started appropriately with home-made sushi (and I think we did a good job there), and after a great lasagna we watched Sea Shepherd movies and the South Park episode making fun of Sea Shepherd and the Japanese whaling fleet. I laughed a lot at that :)

We went for a walk by the pier and I've never seen this many birds at the same time! They were moving in several groups and this is just one of them, flying together like one body but still with their own minds, around and underneath the pier. They were larger than sparrows but smaller than blackbirds, a spieces I cannot name. It was simply amazing to watch them move, to see groups merge and divide again.



Brighton did it best to introduce Alex to British weather - rain. He had planned to go out running Sunday morning while I was still sleeping, which would probably have been a lovely way to see Brighton during summer, but this time of the year it is simply impossible to avoid rain. People at work says that this is the most rainy fall in years but I'm not convinced Brighton ever has good weather until I've seen it. So we went to the Brighton Museum and Art Gallery, to the Women's Land Army exhibition. This was a Land Army formed in England during WWII when most men were gone and more people were needed to work on the fields. Lots of women worked in factories etc but the Women's Land Army was formed to recruit women to produce crops and reduce the requirements for imported food. It was interesting to hear the stories of women who had worked like this for years.

The Museum also included a small art exhibition of furniture from the 20th century, and that was more what I had expected from a weekend with Alex :) But in general we had a very relaxing weekend without any detailed plans, and I think we both needed that.