iki and her dreams

I've been thinking about this for days but just haven't had time to write... but this will be another post of news that I either like or dislike.

First the news that I believe will affect the most people. I can say loads of positive and negative things about the European Union - and I tend to bring up more negative stuff - but this is really, really stupid. It is, of course, the proposal that women should be ensured money for staying home the first six weeks after giving birth.
This new directive is part of proposals first unveiled in October 2008 but the decision still hasn't been made. The point of the directive is to give mothers a longer and better paid maternity leave just after a baby is born.

Now, don't get me wrong here. It's great that parents are home taking care of their newborn kids. I do strongly believe that kids should have good parents (which is a good reason to allow any reasonable person to adopt children, no matter who they're fucking). But mothers are not necessarily better parents than fathers. So why limit this parental leave to mothers? Why force women to stay at home? This may be better than the current situation in many countries, but it would be a downfall for Sweden. And if we aim at a more equal sitation, why make laws that inhibit that? Why not just write a law about parental leave, rather than maternal?

In some cases, I do believe that we have to use the law to encourage people to make decisions that are good for the society. Like the two months of parental leave that can only be used by fathers, a directive in Sweden that shouldn't be needed since fathers should take their responsiblity (and how could anyone -not- want to be home with their kids?), but since fathers only take 22% of the parental leave, directives like thate one are apparently needed. However, the new EU directive implies that women are more suited for taking care of kids, and excludes fathers from the little family. Why not just make it a non-specified parental leave? Mothers will still take the majority of the parental leave, but at least fathers and maybe even non-biological mothers in lesbian relationships would have the chance to stay home with their little baby. Why limit people? Equality standards that were out of date in the 1950's won't ever help the baby.

From that, let's switch to something good! This is a funny news post, I have a very random way of selecting news... But this is something that made me happy, it's somehow reassuring that people do non-profit actions to gain and spread information.

Latvia suffered a lot from the recent recession, and the unemployment rate at 23%, is the highest in the European Union. Banks and companies have asked the government for help. Now there's a hacker, believed to be a man and calling himself Neo, who's been downloading data from loads of companies and banks, and who is now slowly leaking this information to news sites. Depressingly, he's found that bank managers have not taken the salary cuts they've promised to take, and companies have paid bonuses but at the same time asking the government for economical support. This isn't good at all, but the lovely thing about this is someone investing a lot of time and effort in finding this information and spreading it, so that everyone gets access to it. I'm impressed.

Another man taking a fight for a good cause - a man who should not have been given the Nobel Peace Prize, although he's taking many important fights - is Barack Obama, who is now trying to change the policy that openly homosexual men are not allowed in the American army. I didn't even know they have that policy! But apparently homosexual men aren't even allowed to mention their sexual preferences. That's. simply. ridiculous.

Someone else had a fight a couple of days ago. A killer whale named Tilikum killed a 'trainer' in Florida. Of course I'm not happy about someone's death. But wtf, killer whales belong in the ocean, not in a pool making performances. Leave them alone.

I've finally sent the angry email I've known for a couple of days I'd have to send, so I feel a little relieved now :) Even had to ask M (not the usual M...) to read it before I sent it, I'm so awfully afraid of conflicts, it's ridiculous. And I don't want people to think of me as the bitch I truly am... ;)

And after all, if my tenant leaves a crack and a hole (!!!) in the washbasin, why am I afraid she'd be upset if I email her about it? I hope I can have it replaced without anyone of us having to pay for it, but I doubt that. And considering the usual standard SSSB, they'll probably refuse to exchange it and then charge me for it when I move out :)

My friends who are handy with their cameras should be in Stockholm now, the snow is beautiful! And the frost on the windows at uni is simply stunning. I forgot my camera today but will bring it tomorrow and see if it's still there. One of the patterns look just like a feather.. pretty pretty. It's -15 degrees where I live, it was -32 at my colleagues place out on the countryside yesterday morning, the water in his house has frozen. Saturday I had frost in my hair after being outdoors for only an hour. Looking at snow from the positive side, my lentil-apple-curry pie yesterday cooled down in just a few minutes when I placed it on the balcony.

Apart from that I'm not overwhelmed by the cold and the Swedish handling of snow.. I kindly laughed at England but even though Sweden is a lot better, it's not that impressive. And I'm not the only one who's tired of the snow - a man in southwest Sweden even punched a snow removal man in the face. And apparently upset people in the same area have attacked snow removal machines. I can't see how that would improve the situation... people are stupid. Guess they've gone mad from living in the cold and darkness for so many months. I miss spring.

Haven't written anything for a week, and a lot has happened, so I'm not sure where to start... How about starting at the beginning? :)

Summarising the last days in and around Brighton in respect to activities, I had a great day out on Isle of Wight with D - who, knowing I would never want him to buy flowers for me on Valentine's Day, had spent Friday night folding papers into a flower bouquet. Anyway, we took an early morning ferry to get the whole day on the island, and we had time to see a lot without rushing. We even had time for a quick tea with D's mom. She's very nice, relaxed and easy talking too although her being a psychologist is slightly unsettling, it makes me feel... watched. But it was great to have so much time together with D, and to see the where he grew up, the beach where he learnt to surf, and so on.Sch! Don't disturb the sleeping dragons in the Devil's Chimney! Climb the stairs carefully... There's secrets hiding in the forest beneath...

Beautiful! Supposedly there's a footprint of a dinosaur somewhere on this beach, but we didn't find it. Didn't search that much though, we were quite happy just watching the sea.



Then Tuesday night my beloved sister came over to support me in leaving Brighton. And how I needed that support. We had a nice day together Wednesday, I cleaned my room and we went for a walk in Brighton, finally visiting the beads shop together and having a cake at the Red Veg cafe before my leaving dinner. And I was delighted, and slightly embarassed, by all the gifts those wonderful friends gave me, and I was genuinly happy that they stayed so late for goodbye drinks. Knowing that it was my very last night in Brighton, I didn't want it to end. As I didn't want to end the conversation the next morning, knowing that whenever we left M's place, that was it. But in the end we did leave, to pick up sister's new hiking boots from Vegetarian shoes's store, and for a last goodbye fika with those who don't work all day in a lab. And although I really did appreciate those last days, I also knew that they were coming to an end. Visiting just won't be the same thing as living here.

I'm so glad for the close friends I've found in such short time, for the generosity of people.

Coming back, I knew I belong here, too. Seeing friends I've missed, I know why I've missed them. And I'm left with the feeling of being split, part of me is still in Brighton, part is here, and I want to be in both cities, to live both these lives. It would be easier if life in Stockholm was only crap.. but of course it isn't. Still, I cried myself to sleep my first night, despite - or because of - the happy smile of a certain pig.

I was told that my last blog entry was boring, and I fully agree. I've allowed work to take over my life, again. It was quite a relief to leave Friday night, sitting on the night bus I realised just how tired I was. Sad to see that I keep making the same mistakes.

Got up early Saturday, and I was glad I had been convinced to go out hiking again. The hike itself was cancelled at 11 but at least I got the chance to say goodbye to the amazing lady I've met here, she's just astonishing, doing ever so much. Continued hiking alone, went to Chanctonbury Ring that I've been planning to visit for a while now. The walk up the hill to get there was in itself reason enough to go. There's something about those old trees...

Got up the hill and walked over to Chanctonbury Ring. Met some nice people on the way there. The area around the ring was an amazing place, simply special, can't explain it. When C and I visited Uluru a couple of years ago (damn it's almost five years ago now! but that trip deepened a friendship I still value), I felt things I've never felt before. This was similar, although not at all that strong. I'm very glad I got the chance to see the place. I sat there for a while and then walked over to Cissbury Ring. I didn't plan on going there, so when I took photos of the map in the car I didn't include the Cissbury area, but I got the direction pointed out for me and it didn't seem that complicated. I surprised by the lack of signs but found my way there without problem. Probably gained an extra kilo of weight on the way there, it was really muddy :)Cissbury Ring was more beautiful than Chanctonbury but didn't feel special in the same way. By then the sun had broken through the clouds and the sky was bright blue, pretty! And it's spring here, birds singing and snowdrops and occassional floodings of some roads. On the way from Cissbury Ring to Worthing station I saw the cutest house ever, high grass growing in front of it, run down in a way that just made it look really old. Broken windows, broken gate, just so lovely... Looked a hundred years older than the houses around it. I just couldn't help loving it.

I should stop publishing things before I've read them through! Or maybe I should stop talking to people while writing :) Had to run to the lab while writing this so I just posted it, now I'm adding random comments in italic and rewriting small parts. Guess noone out of my amazing seven followers has read it yet anyway ;)

It's really cold in the room where I'm sitting (and it's getting even colder! there's something utterly wrong with the air conditioning in this building at night) so I've placed a table heating fan next to me, and by now the skin on my arms is getting slightly pink but my feet are still cold. I've taken my shoes off from walking around the whole day - and I've really been walking around the lab the whole day! 15 hours so far and still another five hours in the lab (just three hours left now! yay!), this experiment is killing me. I'm glad there's night buses from uni. Anyway I would have been in earlier if I hadn't stayed home dying my hair this morning ;) Got a haircut done yesterday, no major changes, but that meant I had to dye it.

The hairdresser was surprisingly good! I chose the place because they're open late, until 9 on weekdays which is really good and until 6 on weekends which is just astonishing in Brighton. But I got my hair washed, some head massage (almost fell asleep) and the guy even spent one hour cutting my hair, for just £18! Half price for the first visit. I got exactly the haircut I wanted, and when the guy was finished he suggested a different cut for the fringe and said I could drop by any time next week and he'd do it for free. I don't particularly like the idea of advertise things on my blog so I won't write their name, but I just have to mention them. It was really good PLUS they're open late, which people with odd working hours like me, need.

I just have two more days in the lab now, and I'm quite pleased with some things I've done, and a little frustrated about other things. I've struggled since December with one theoretically very easy thing, and it just doesn't work. I need to do a three-way ligation, cutting some DNA vectors with three different enzymes and ligating the correct part from each of them - not very complicated. But these restriction enzymes just doesn't cut! They all cut in some vectors, so I've finished some of the constructs, but they don't cut in all. We've double-checked the sequencing and the sites are there. Making new preps of the vectors didn't help. One enzyme worked fine for the first month and then stopped working without any obvious explanation, at about the same time as another enzyme started working after E jokingly summoned his ancestors over the tube (he looked a little surprised when it turned out that specific cutting actually worked, but I wish I had such ancestors, seems useful). And one enzyme sometimes cuts twice, although it only has one site in the vector. I've felt like I'm back to primary school, showing gel after gel without cuts for my supervisor here, so frustrating! So this week he did it for me, and it didn't work either. I'm somewhat unhappy that it still doesn't work for no reason, I mean we do need the new vectors, but somehow I'm a little pleased that it's not too simple. I've felt very stupid the past two months.

Had another phone call from Sweden this morning, and what can I say? I really don't feel like going back there. One part of my social life seems to be a complete mess. Someone, I believe it was M, gave me a good quote the other day; be careful what you wish for, you might get it. That applies quite well here, in part to me, but also to certain other people. I just wish I'll be able to keep some friendships that I value.

Time to go back to the lab. Tomorrow I'll sleep in a bit, then I'll have to go and find a gift for my professor here. I ordered a book on a theme that M nicely suggested (seems like I'm not talking to anyone else?), and it was dispatched, then cancelled, and I got an email saying they've sent the wrong book and stopped the whole process, asking if I wanted my money back. So I kindly asked them to send the correct book asap, it seemed better that he gets the book too late, after all the point is that he gets it, not that I personally hand it over to him. But later today I got another email saying they don't even have the book. So why can I order it from their homepage then? And why did it take them two days to tell me this? I'll see what I find tomorrow or if I'll order something online for next week, anyway Y told me where the largest bookstore in Brighton is (I had a very short but nice chat with Y, I was pleased with that), but I can't be in too late tomorrow - my supervisor has promised to show me FRAP and I don't want to keep him waiting. He's increadibly patient and nice, I wonder how much time he's spent on my by now. A lot.

Anyways time to go to the lab. And it seems to be about time to go there again. I've had one single break today that was more than 20 min. This experiment IS indeed taking over my life. But next week I'll be off work! Yay! I have so much to look forward to, disguising the fact that I'm leaving. Another walk in the forest on Saturday, then going to Isle of Wight with D on Sunday, Monday probably to London, then on Tuesday my favourite and only sister comes over, so Wednesday we'll walk all the streets I won't see again for a while, and then I'll say goodbye to the wonderful people here. And then on Thursday I should have plenty of time to get the Brighton reminder that I've been thinking about. I'm obviously trying very hard not to think about how much I'll miss certain people here, and how few days I have left.

After spending some 45 minutes trying to re-activate the sound of my headset microphone (thanks B for your online support.. otherwise i would still be working on it), my grandmother wasn't home :D I feel a bit bad for not calling her often enough, it always seems too late to make phone calls when I get home.


Saturday was nice, went for a lovely walk in the forests again. I have problems getting used to British non-allemansrätt, not being allowed to walk wherever I want in the forest is weird to me. You must stay on the very rare public footpaths, otherwise you're trespassing. Saw loads of snowdrops and some happy rabbits playing with each other, and quite a few deer. My boots were really muddy when I got back home. I was glad I had time to change clothes before having dinner with D's twin brother and mum. She's a psychologist, which is somewhat awkward, she was really nice and I felt somewhat analysed, without knowing what here conclusions were.

Now over to some news that has made me upset lately. First a British one. Britain doesn't have mandatory military service - as D described it, 'we're a civilised country and hence we don't have that'. But still, they spend loads of money on their army and are involved in some wars around the world, a choice that I personally don't find very civilised. So, at a 'homecoming parade' a while ago when soldiers came back, some people protested and called the homecoming British soldiers 'murderers'. Which probably is true. The protesters had communicated with the police on beforehand and agreed on a time and place for this, and according to the protesters' lawyers, police officers did not object to the slogans. Anyway, the protesters have been prosecuted for offending the soldiers, but what I find most upsetting is the comment of the District Judge:
"It is not just insulting to the soldiers but to the citizens of Luton who were out on the streets that day to honour and welcome soldiers home.

Wtf! Soldiers kill people. Killing is murder if it isn't accidental, and war isn't accidental. There's no honour in being in war. Stop being so nationalistic, Britain! I can't help wondering if the men had been judged differently, had they not been Muslims.
(source)

We can compare this to another case soon coming up in court here in England. Two men had been up in a gyrocopter and went to an airfield to re-fuel. While they were there, on the ground, stationary, a man who had been following them approached the gyrocopter ran into the still moving propeller blades, beheading himself. Sad for him and his family, but honestly, it belongs in the Darwin awards. Now, ridiculously, the helicopter driver is accused of attempt of murder. Seriously, the gyrocopter is STATIONARY on the ground and a man, who's breaking the law just by entering the airfield, puts his head in the propeller and dies - and the pilot should be responsible?!
(source)

Another incident made me feel sick and sad this week. In Turkey, a 16-year-old girl has been missing for over a month. She was recently found, in sitting position with her hand tied, buried in the ground outside her family's house. The amount of soil in her stomach and lungs shows that she was alive when buried, and she had no bruises on her body and no traces of narcotics in her blood, so she was likely fully concious when buried. I can't imagine the panic she must have felt. And why did this have to happen? Well, according to her father, the family was unhappy that the girl had male friends. OMG! She's talking to boys! Let's bury her alive! What's wrong with people?
(source)

Now that's enough of sad news. Let's try and find something positive that has happened in the world lately... Why are the newspapers filled with tragedies? After all, there are good things happening, too.

A funny thing I've noticed in the little family I'm living with here, not sure if I've mentioned it before.. Kitkat, the smaller of the brother cats, eats tofu but won't touch wheat fake chicken, while Shadow completely dismisses tofu but got overexcited and tried climbing up my leg to get the cheatini wheat chicken. The climbing would have been easier for him (and less painful for me) if he had been a little bit more slim. Lovely ones, I'll miss them.

It's only 16 days left now! Unbelievable. I've felt a little sorry for leaving my life here ever since I got back from my Xmas holiday, which is somewhat stupid - worrying about things I cannot affect is kind of like paying a bill twice - but then again, I sort of have to be mentally prepared to leave my life here. In many ways, it has been so much easier than life in Sweden. It's been like living in a bubble of vacation, even though I've worked a lot.

But even though I call Brighton home now, I still managed to get on the wrong bus when going home from work today and got, not lost, but definitively not where I meant to be.. Spent some 30 min wandering around in the darkness to get home. It's good to live on the top of a hill, then I know where to head.

Went for tea at a tea place close by, and played the association game, where you say one word and then the other person has to say the first word ve comes to think about, and so on. Halfway through I realised that D has studied psychology and probably knew more about me than I would want.. He claimed he wasn't analysing, but I'm not too sure. One thing I really like about him though is that I get the feeling that he'd accept me no matter what I said. I'm afraid I don't give him the same assurance.. I tend to expect too much from people, hope for more than I maybe should. Especially friends. I want them to be good in so many ways. Ironically, I've spent the past months trying to escape from other people's expectations on me. Am I repeating the behaviour I'm avoiding myself?