iki and her dreams

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biking to work this morning, i smelled a fresh mowed lawn. and i felt like 12 again, longing for summer holiday. i wanted to take my shoes off and walk bare-foot, and roll around in the grass. i'm trying to stop myself from the latter when people are watching. possibly i'll go watch the calves' first encounter with grass at the test farm where M works. not sure how i will feel about it. happiness is always lovely, but even though this may be one of the better farms in sweden it is still part of an industry i don't believe in.

the lilacs are flowering. that normally happens in the end of june, at the end of the school term. i love it.

i'm trying to move on with my life. it's about time now.

i was emailing with C about break-ups, and when looking at what i had just written, i realised that while she was talking about my recent break-up with D i was actually rather talking about my previous break-up. but i guess what we concluded is true for both of them; break-ups are never easy but sometimes the relationship is even worse. and i realised that even though looking after my very depressed friend some two weeks ago almost got me to seek psychological advice for myself, it did also help me in the long run. she's a lot better now, she's stronger than she knows. but when she lost her grip on life, i had to let go of other people to take on her pain. so now that she is better, i've already stepped back from these other people, one in particular. and thanks to that, my main concern can and has to be myself, getting my own life sorted out and working proper hours again.

last weekend i was flying. that was so amazing!

a lovely gift from lovely people, C went up too (do we ever do things without each other?) and she seemed to enjoy it too, although she's always more sensible than i am. it was a bit cloudy so we sent around inside the clouds, and then i got to take over the levers, it was surprisingly hard to keep the plane stable while making turns. then halfway through the instructor turned the engine off, it got soo quiet and we kept flying for another ten minutes or so. of course we dived and turned upside-down, my stomach didn't like that part but i love the thrill. yay! i totally recommend that if you get the chance to try it.

jeez gotta sleep now! up in five hours to go hiking. i think a lot better at night so i tend to stay up late, but this weekend is planned according to normal people's hours.

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The one thing that keeps me sane these days is making jewellry. I was nervous when I posted letter to England, with the work of my beloved sister and me. what if people don't like it? what if noone buys anything? it's the first time we try to sell any of our work and i can't really emagine anyone paying for my hobby, but now that we're into it, i want to perform perfectly, as always.

i'm trying to learn to forgive myself.

i was slightly worried that the whole thing would turn into a competition between my sister and me, and i really didn't want that. so we discussed this and she's just so easy talking to. it's so relieving to have someone that i can be absolutely honest with. and we discussed it and sorted it all out. and i think we're both satisfied if we sell one single piece.

one good thing about the jewellry making, apart from that we both find it relaxing to work with our hands and it's good for us to have a reason to leave work at an appropriate time, was that it gave us an excuse to see each other more often. i really really love my sister <3 she's also been an unvaluable support these last days when too many things have gone wrong at the same time.

so since i can't sleep at the moment (hmm that's nothing new about that), i've made some more stuff that we didn't send to England. here's my latest piece of work:

I'm actually quite proud X-D

or actually, i have another even newer thing. tonight C and i went to a glass fusing course, that was totally new to me. we chose among small shattered pieces of glass and combined them. then we heated this in an oven and it all melted (fused) together into one single multi-coloured glass stone. totally amazing! we were four people and everyone's work turned out oompletely different and individual, and it all looked good. i can't manage to get a proper photo of it, but the two larger triangles are yellowish green and greenish blue, and the small one in the middle is dark blue. or so they ended up after the heating process - the bottom layer is one big single piece of black glass, then i put the triangle shaped pieces on that and a clear peice of glass diagonal on top of everything. this clear glass has pressed the middle blue thing down, creating a depth in the final product. this was definitively worth trying.


ok time to sleep i suppose, and stop showing off :)