.
my heart is still bleeding, and i'm emotionally exhausted. i watch the stars emerge and the new day come. i'm careful not to feel too much. i watch the weather change and the hours pass and i don't see the point of anything. i avoid loneliness but sometimes i'd be better off seeking it. the ultimate loneliness is when speaking to someone and they just don't understand. but still, as time passes, i know that some damage will heal and some ache will fade.
so i listen to anna ternheim and i wait for the tide.
if i dwell on like this much longer, i'll start feeling sorry for myself. and that's not very attractive, is it? last year when i couldn't sleep - for other reasons, for work - H was such great company and support. sometimes, he'd walk with me for hours in a sleeping Stockholm, until i was physically tired and could sleep a little. sleepwise (is that a word?), i'm better now than i was then. and my self esteem is better than it was a couple of years ago. i know i will survive this. it's just that now, being in the middle of the mess, i so need that ease, and i don't see it happening.
i've deleted the last three entries. i still mean every word i wrote. maybe, some things should not be published. maybe, i'm censored.
i'm walking on such a thin line now. i'd need some time to just be me, with no expectations from others. or maybe all expectations are from me? how do i know?
my heart is still bleeding, and i'm emotionally exhausted. i watch the stars emerge and the new day come. i'm careful not to feel too much. i watch the weather change and the hours pass and i don't see the point of anything. i avoid loneliness but sometimes i'd be better off seeking it. the ultimate loneliness is when speaking to someone and they just don't understand. but still, as time passes, i know that some damage will heal and some ache will fade.
so i listen to anna ternheim and i wait for the tide.
if i dwell on like this much longer, i'll start feeling sorry for myself. and that's not very attractive, is it? last year when i couldn't sleep - for other reasons, for work - H was such great company and support. sometimes, he'd walk with me for hours in a sleeping Stockholm, until i was physically tired and could sleep a little. sleepwise (is that a word?), i'm better now than i was then. and my self esteem is better than it was a couple of years ago. i know i will survive this. it's just that now, being in the middle of the mess, i so need that ease, and i don't see it happening.
i've deleted the last three entries. i still mean every word i wrote. maybe, some things should not be published. maybe, i'm censored.
i'm walking on such a thin line now. i'd need some time to just be me, with no expectations from others. or maybe all expectations are from me? how do i know?
Skicka en kommentar